Though there are exceptions to everything he says, most children who fall prey to sexual abuse were raised in “an atmosphere in which a child is vulnerable to abuse and/or had no one to whom to turn after abuse.” Even now, my cheeks flush to remember seeing something so privately nightmarish written out step-by-step like a doctor telling a terminal cancer patient exactly how the disease will ravish her body from start to finish.īefore describing the grooming process, however, he sets the stage by answering the question – why are some children susceptible? The answer, often, lies in the home. Yet reading his explanation and detailed stages of the grooming process was so accurate and horrifying that it probably took six months to fully get through that chapter. The grooming process was only a sinister mystery, especially heinous in its hidden nature. I had never thought to ask that question. He explains how abuse happens, especially to children. To repeat the claim on the book cover: “Someone you know has been sexually abused.” Unfortunately, sexual abuse is “one of the few crimes where the victim feels more shunned and rejected than the criminal.” He exposes the definition of abuse and the accusations of shame that have too long kept victims quiet.Īctually, the first section was the hardest for me to get through. The first is “The Dynamics of Abuse.” Though everyone’s experience is unique, he draws from his experiences with others and statistics to paint a picture of the problem. The book is divided into three equally-powerful sections. To live significantly less than what one was made to be is as severe a betrayal of the soul as the original abuse. The journey of healing (even the journey of reading this whole book) is difficult, but he calls readers and victims to the task of healing and wholeness for the sake of the gospel.

Allender addresses sexual abuse from a Christian perspective in how we define abuse, how we understand it, and how we heal from it. I’ve spent a year and a half slowly trekking through its chapters, and only eight years of therapy can compare with this book in being instrumental to God’s healing in my life. When talking about my most “influential” books, nothing comes close in the category to touching this one. It took me a year and a half to finish this one.

The wounded heart by dr dan b allender